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Оригинал взят у [livejournal.com profile] dmitrygololobov в Тест на знание английского языка, права и британского юмора :)
HEARD IN A COURTROOM

BARRISTER: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
BARRISTER: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: His I would hope

Judge: You want an extension on your community service order? How many hours did you do?
Defendant: A lot. Almost all of them.
Judge: Ok, let me see your time sheet.
Defendant: Um... I didn't bring it. It's in the car. Actually, um... I lied, I didn't do any hours. You going to put me in jail for not doing the community service hours?
Judge: No, I'm going to put you in jail for lying to me.

BARRISTER: Mr ********, you say you weren’t having an affair but how do you explain the receipt for several pieces of woman’s lingerie found in your vehicle during the search?
WITNESS: On a weekend I like to dress as a woman.
BARRISTER: Is that the truth Mr ********
WITNESS: Like I would lie about that…

BARRISTER: But isn't it true you wear glasses Mr Thompson?
WITNESS: Yes I do
BARRISTER: And you've admitted in your statement that you didn't have them on at the time - so how can you be sure it was Mr Marshall you saw?
WITNESS: Because I was watching the little b****** steal a lawnmower from my garage - not reading the morning paper.

BARRISTER: Was there anyone else sitting at your table?
WITNESS: Yes, sir. There was about eight couples there that night.
BARRISTER: Did you have a date that night?
WITNESS: No, sir. I am afraid I had my wife with me.

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